Sinner.

I am a selfish person.

It hit me the other day when I was having a conversation with someone online.

  As the conversation progressed, I caught myself re-reading my own sentences...and I am ashamed to admit that I was honestly more interested in what I had to say than what the other person was expressing to me.

  I would've just shrugged this off, but I've been noticing a trend lately. My own facebook photos intrigue me, and I'll re-read things I'd written months ago. The more I think about it, the more ridiculous things come to mind...things I'm too embarrassed to share.

  Sometimes I feel like I'm riding this pendulum named "self esteem". One minute it's in left field, telling me I'm  
a big fat failure, an awkward, shy, naive, antisocial schmuck. The next, I catch myself swinging from the chandeliers, believing I'm the greatest thing since sliced cheese.

  I ask God to save me from the distortion that seems to keep my pendulum swinging. It's like trying to look at your reflection with your face smashed up against the mirror. You're just too close to see anything clearly, and what you can see is usually pretty confusing.

  So aren't I awesome? I'm writing a blog!! I used cool words and made a heroic confession!

  But it probably IS really stupid. It's not funny enough and I didn't use any Latin words so it's probably not even worth posting. I'm only writing this so I can get validation and reassurance about my life. EVERYTHING I DO IS A WASTE OF TIME!!!

  Oh God. Don't give up on me yet.