Balding Eagle.

   I would like to post this video, not because of the video itself, but because of the comments underneath it. It's seriously one of the most sad and pathetic things I've seen. No one is even talking about the content, and this ridiculous hatred is smeared everywhere. Apparently to everyone else, Americans = fat, lazy, uneducated, unintelligent, arrogant, ingrown idiots. Thank goodness there are none of those kinds of people anywhere else.

Enjoy. Asprin is on the third aisle, two shelves down.

Through your eyes.

I have questions, lots of them.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find the answers, despite all my searching.

   Today, I found one. Or maybe I should say one found me, because we really have no wisdom in ourselves. (The trick: remembering that). Here's how it went down:

   I'm a little moody sometimes. I'll admit it. But it's not the normal moody, it's seriously like the bottom drops out of my boat for weeks on end. I'd say I'm generally a pretty happy guy. I like to have fun and enjoy life immensely, but sometimes, it all goes wrong. If you know me casually, you may never notice. I just may seem a little less open, or not hold your gaze. I may not talk as much and not crack as many jokes. Inside though, there's a war raging. Usually its set off by long periods of frustration or large defeats. C'mon, don't tell me you just shrug those things off? Oh. Well anyway, not everyone does...like me. It's the weirdest thing, even sitting here trying to explain it, it gets all confused in my head. I think when it comes down to it, sometimes my confidence just takes a leave of absence, and I can't get it back. Don't think I mope around the house and eat bratwurst all day when this happens. If I did, you'd probably think it's self-imposed, and you'd be totally right. But I stay busy, get exercise, and try to be productive. In short, I do everything I know of to combat it, and it still persists. I think my mind is in the right place, but my feelings just won't cooperate.

  But enough about that. Every time this happens, I rack my brain for reasons. Why?? What am I doing wrong?? It's on my mind during the day and keeps me up at night. (For an hour at least!!!). Slowly, an idea formed in my head. Tonight, it became clear.

   Empathy. How much easier is it for you to empathize with someone who's hurting, when you've gone through the same thing? How much more grace will you have when someone is awkward and shy, if you've had the same struggle? That's the revelation that poured into my soul tonight. It gave me hope that my battles, however confusing, aren't in vain.

    God's works aren't futile. When you trust Him, he works in you. Even if it hurts. Even if it makes you confused, angry and frustrated. Even if you "lose". Tonight, I was taught by my Guru, only this time I found Him in the valley. I know what it feels like, to feel out of place, self-aware and awkward. In those moments, all I wanted was for someone to say, "It doesn't matter. Your performance means nothing to me, come join our family". Now I know. When the tables are turned, I hope it'll me me saying those words to someone else looking for love.

   P.S. If you know me, and see me missing an opportunity, remind me of this. Sometimes we....sometimes I forget.

Caleb W. 

The Matrix.

A comment I read recently on a blog, on the subject of the internet's sometimes predominance over "real life": 

"This really is a big issue, and it's kind of sad.  I turned off my facebook, so I wouldn't be tempted to sit on there instead of studying during exams (which as it turns out, there are many other things I can find to distract myself from studying), and my husband's grandma texted me a few days later, very upset that she could no longer see her family because I had left facebook... I felt a little bad, and then I realized, she lives TWO houses away from us.  She can see her family any time she wants to!"

  I'm beginning to dislike facebook more and more. It's pathetic, the size of our life it's taken up, displacing other important things. I know, it's nothing new...our Moms told us this would happen years ago, haha. 

 I'm not talking about using the internet as a tool, or even entertainment occationally. It's the constant pointless checking and re-checking, browsing through funny, but useless photos, and just wasting time that seems to have become so common. The internet has given us so much true opportunity, and we've abused it.

  A class I'm taking about money talks about the "opportunity cost" of our monitary decisions. Like, if I buy 200 candy bars, I won't have the opportunity to go to summer camp. I feel like that applies to our time as well. What if, instead of wasting half of my waking hours on facebook and pinterest, I redeemed that time? 

  In all honesty, this post is really about me, disguised as a dissertation on other's internet habits. I'm sick of watching opportunity slip by, as I check my feed one more time. In the end, it comes down to this:

What am I willing to miss, by sacrificing time on the altar of amusement?